Life out of a painted small box

Same day last year, after a job interview, I received a phone call from my mom’s number, but apparently it wasn’t her using the phone. The voice came from a lady and she’s telling me that my mom had an accident. I couldn’t really make out of her words. So when I got to my senses, I mustered the courage to ask if mom’s okey. She passed the phone to my mom and I was relieved to hear her voice. She’s okey. Except that according to her she can’t feel her right toe anymore.

Mom trip into a loose chord on the floor and had a bad fall. She twisted her ankles. The lady said that they will arrange for her transfer from Bicutan, from where she was having a seminar, to Manila and ask me to meet her there. We brought her to Orthopedic Center in Quezon City.

We had a tough day at the hospital being that it is a public hospital. Not that I malign public hospitals but I had to pull some act so we can get a little special attention.

My mom has a special case of claustrophobia, by that I meant, she can’t tolerate almost all kinds of “uneasy” feeling. (Don’t know the medical term for that) So when she was throwing tantrums and would demand for all sorts of things and the nurse in charge didn’t pay attention to her and instead gave her a judging look, I had to look at the nurse with all anger and said “miss narinig mo? Electric fan daw!” If looks could kill, she had died right there and then! Mean! I know. But that was my mom in there. And don’t give me the “this is a public hospital, bring your mom to private ones if you want special treatment” statement. We are tax payers noh! And people from the government shouldn’t use that as an excuse for giving lame services! Everybody should get the best health services from public hospitals.

So the doctor said mom has a multiple fracture. And needs to undergo surgery. They need to implant plates to support her bones. Meantime, they have to put a cast on her right leg to protect the injured part.

And the hard part begins. It was actually an ordeal for my mom. She would scream and would want to get the cast off. I had to restrain, (yup! restrain is the word) her from taking it off. It was a week of sleepless nights for her.

Looking back, it was a tough moment for all of us. Mom, karen and I with kuya jov and a house help were staying at our apartment in Quezon city. I felt weak and helpless. I felt alone. I didn’t have a job then which turned out to be a good thing, because if I had, no one would attend to my mom.

Good thing, Karen, my sister, is good at running errands and managing our finances. We’re like a team. I handle internal affairs, and she does the external.

We decided to go home to Palawan for mom’s surgery. My Tita Agnes, Mom’s eldest sister, who is also the chief nurse at Palawan, Provincial Hospital, thought that it was better at that time. And so we did. Tita assisted us all throughout the process. Which was a relief for me since I don’t have to decide on my own. It felt good to have another adult to consult with.

Going home to Palawan posed another challenge though. For starters, we had to leave our applications in Manila (Karen just finished college and was looking for a job, she even had an offer to work for Brownies and I was looking for a new job). And we kind of didn’t have our own place to stay in Puerto since we originally are from Aborlan. So we had to set up a new place, karen has to look for a new job in Puerto and I have to stay with mom, jobless. It was tough, but we eventually have figured it out.

Mom stayed at the hospital for three days. Dr. Juan, Mom’s surgeon, provided her with the best care. With his comprehensive explanation and funny remarks, I felt that mom is in good hands. It helped that he made us all feel that this is nothing serious, when in fact Mom’s bones where close to being indescribable. I even remember him saying ” yung gitnang part, durog, yung sa gilid, may crack, yung sa kabila dislocated”. Ouch! He explained that, he has to screw a plate on one side of mom’s bone so it would grow back to how it should be.

The surgery lasted for four hours. That was the longest four hours of my life. Mom was brought to the recovery room after the surgery. She was already awake when we got there. And when the effect of the anesthesia was wearing off she started feeling uneasy and started screaming. The nurses were all keen in making her feel comfortable. They were all supportive. I didn’t even see a judging look on them since normally a patient is calm after getting out of an OR which is the opposite of how my mom was.

Mom was out of the hospital after a couple of days. Her recovery lasted for 6 long months. She was able to walk with a crane after that. She went back to work last December and is doing her job full time.

After a year, we are back in the hospital. Doctor said, he wants to get the plate out so the bones could grow back normally. Mom had the surgery this morning at 7am. We are now in the recovery room. She’s good. She actually improved and by that I meant, she’s not as “makulit” as she was the last time she was in here. She can deal with uneasiness now. Behave if you ask me. Hehe

Hopefully, in God’s good Graces, her wounds would heal fast this time. Thank you to all who supported us. My Tita Agnes, who’s ever patient with us. Dr. Juan, who is by the way the Chief of this hospital, for taking good care of my mom and for doing it pro bono. Tita Nic, for making mom comfortable. And to all the nursing staff at Palawan Provincial Hospital, thank you!

I always believed that God has reasons and purpose. I may not know it now but I have faith. This was our little challenge. And we took it with Him. Surely He wants us to learn something from it. I know you also have one with you. Just take it. Hurdle it. You are not alone. He is always with you just like He is with us. God Bless us all. :)

Dear Mama,

You are one of the toughest people I know. You’ve been through a lot but that didn’t break you.

Sure, you aren’t perfect, not even close, you got floss and weakness. For one, you can’t ride an mrt (claustrophobic). You pee 100 times before going off to a long drive. You easily get irritated. You can’t stand a messy house. You shout when we would miss your orders. You’re strict and at times unreasonable.

You are a teacher. A good one. You are a Doctor of Philosophy but you never brag about it, just as you don’t like me telling people that you are. You employ reverse psychology. You call bacteria a “microbobo”. You only bring a chalk to class. You know kreb cycle, glycolysis and many more. You say “kainis” when your students don’t get what you are lecturing about. You refer to your students as “neng-neng” and “du-doy.”

Your are an honest employee who goes to school even if it’s a holiday. You never wasted a paper, a pen, a chalk and time.

You are someone’s friend, sister, daughter and once a wife. And you are just fine being those.

But you know what you are so good at?

Being our mom. You dedicated half of your life giving us what we need and want. You sent us to school single handed. You have kept this family together. You have brought us up so well.

I know it wasn’t easy. And I thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for not stopping when you can. Thank you for living when you could have just shut down when life’s harsh to us. Thank you for fighting. Thank you for being the toughest person I know. Thank you for being our mom!

Our constant argument is what makes me look forward to every vacation. Your constant criticism is what I miss when everybody’s praising me. Your approval is what I would always seek. I am not me, if it weren’t for you.

I maybe bigger and taller than you are but I will always be your little girl who would always look forward to bed times with you scratching my back.

I pray to God that He may bless you with good health because we are yet to conquer the world, you, me and karen, just us three.

I love you so much. Stay cool as you are. Hehehe

Happy Birthday Mom! Happy Mother’s Day too.

Love,

Kayang girl :)

P.S.
I know you don’t really like stuff like this, but since I am a self proclaimed blogger, you really don’t have a choice. Hehe. You don’t read my blog anyway. Haha. Love you mom! Mwah!

Isang date ang sinet ni Raf for us, dalawang araw pagkatapos ng paguusap namin sa telepono. Hangang ngayon nagaalangan pa din ako sa sitwasyon namin. Alam ko sa puso ko mahal ko na siya. Pero alam ko din. Hindi ko kayang panindigan ang nararamdaman ko.

Alam mo kanina ko pa napapansin tahimik ka. May problema ba Gab?

huh? wala naman. Teka. Ano nanaman ba to. Gumastos ka nanaman eh

Hindi. Friend ko ang may ari netong resto  kaya okie lang. Bagong resto ang pinuntahan namin, malapit sa eastwood. Mukhang mamahalin.

Tahimik kaming kumain. Napansin kong pati si Raf ay tumahimik din. Pagkatapos naming kumain, tumugtog ang “When God made you”

May I have this dance.

Napangiti naman ako at kinuha ang kamay niya.

Nasabi ko na bang ang ganda mo ngaun?

Huh? talaga? you finally find me pretty.

Oo naman. Everyday. He pulled me closer. his hand at my back. I’m resting my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beat. Ramdam ko ang kaba sa boses nya. Eto na ba yun?

I lied to you Gab. I lied when i said hindi ka kagandahan. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen only you didn’t know you’re beautiful. Or maybe alam mo, ayaw mo lang iacknowledge.

<i chuckled>

Alam ko natatakot ka. Natatakot ka na baka saktan kita. Na baka iwan kita. Ako din. Sobra akong natatakot. Hindi pa ako nagmahal ng ganito. Nung araw na nagkakilala tayo. Nung araw na nag “hi” ako sayo dahil mukha kang tanga kakahanap ng classroom na nasa harap mo lang, <natawaw ako> yun din ang araw na sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi  lang “hi” ang huling salitang sasabihin ko sayo. Gagawin ko ang lahat para maging karapatdapat na taong unang magsasabi sayo ng “hi” sa bawat umaga at huling taong magsasabi sayo ng “good night” sa gabi.

Gab. Mahal na mahal kita. Sobra pa sa kaya kong sabihin. Sobra pa sa kaya kong gawin. Mahal kita. He’s saying these to me habang nanginginig ang boses niya.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mga luha ko. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong klaseng pagmamahal.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin para makita ang mga mata niya. Nakita ko kung paanong pinpigil niya ang mga luha niya.

Mahal na mahal kita Gab. Okey lang kahit hindi ka magsalita. Naiintindihan ko.

<sniff> Bakit ba ganyan ka?! Oo na. Mahal din kita! Mahal na mahal na mahal.

Hindi ko na inantay na magreact siya dahi mukhang natulala na. Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kanya. I kissed him. Like I’ve never kissed anyone before. (never pa naman tlaga) At saka lang siya natauhan. He pulled me closer and gave me a long passionate and sweet kiss.

Salamat. You won’t regret taking this risk with me.


Siguro nga hindi totoo ang fairy tales. Pero totoo na minsan sa buhay natin. May tunay na pag-ibig. Hindi man ako sigurado, handa na akong sumugal. Sa lahat naman ng bagay, hindi mo malalaman, kung hindi mo susubukan diba?

-end-

Ano bang problema? Mukha namang mahal na mahal kung nung tao? Isa pa girl. Todo effort na sayo oh. Ang ganda mo lang. Hindi mo ba gusto? Si Trish. Best friend ko.

Gusto. Kaya lang natatakot ako eh. Bakit ako? Sa dinami dami ng babae. Bakit ako?

Alam mo. Wag mong hayaang pigilan ka niyang takot mo para igrab ang chance to your happily ever after.

Isa pa yan. Wala namang happily ever after eh. Lahat may katapusan. Bakit mo sisimulan ang isang bagay kung alam mong matatapos din?

Eh di wag mo na siyang paasahin. Sabihin mo na na kahit kailan hindi niya maririnig sayo na gusto mo rin siya.

haaaay!

<Phone Conversation>

Hey did you receive the album I sent you?

yep thank you! You didn’t have to.

I want to.

Alam mo ang dami dami mo nang binibigay sa akin. Tapos ako wala man lang maibigay sayo.

okey lang. Hindi naman ako humihingi ng kapalit eh.

talaga?

yep.

hindi ka ba nanapagod?

saan?

sa ginagawa mo.

Hindi. Nageenjoy ako.

hangang kelan to?

hangat kaya ko.

Sabihan mo lang ako kung hindi mo na kaya huh. okey lang sa akin kung… bibitaw ka na

Gab. what are you talking about?

Raf… Sorry kung napapaasa kita huh. Kaya lang kasi hindi ko alam kung kaya ko eh.

Kaya ang alin?

to take a chance and fall in love?

Gab. you don’t have to pressure yourself. Hindi ako nagmamadali. Magaantay ako kung kelan handa ka na. Just please don’t stop me from doing what I’m doing. I need this. I need you.

<katahimikan>

Gabby are you still there.

yes.

Please say you won’t

okie. I won’t……YET

Nagpatuloy ang ganung set up namin. Regular na kaming nagkikita. At sa wakas na pakain na niya ako ng fishball. Hindi ko talaga gusto, pero nagustuhan ko ung tok neneng. Ayos na daw sa kanya yun at least me nagustuhan ako.

Nakilala na siya ng mama at kapatid ko ng minsang magbakasyon sila dito mula sa probinsya. Magkasundo sila ng mama ko, pareho kasi silang taga UP.

Marami na rin akong nalaman tungkol sa kanya. Tatlo silang magkakapatid, pangalawa siya. Puro babae ang mga kapatid niya. They all work for their company. Nasa media din ang family nila. Advertising. Tatlo na ang naging girlfriends niya. Isa nung high school, dalawa nung college. Hindi ko na inalam ung details. Para kasing may gumagalaw sa tiyan ko pag yun ang topic namin. Parang teenager lang noh?

Araw-araw sinusundo niya ako, tinatawagan at sinosorpresa ng mga kung ano anung bagay.

Gab, may delivery for you. Si leslie isa mga naging kaibigan ko sa trabaho.

ano yun?

Dadaan. Isang malaking winnie the pooh stuff toy. Frustration ko kasi un nung bata pa ako eh. Ang magkaroon ng malaking winnie the pooh na stuff toy. Yung Disney product huh. Sympre hindi ko na tinanong kung kanino galing. Isa lang naman ang pwdeng mag aksya ng pera at panahon sa akin eh.

Hindi lang yun ang natangap ko mula sa kanya. May complete set ng Harry Potter books and movies, Twilight, Hunger Games, Maximum Ride at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi siya nagpapadala ng flowers, once a month lang, hindi ko kasi masyadong gusto ang flowers eh, feeling ko kasi sayang lang. nalalanta. Minsan nga iniisip ko, hangang kelan kaya ito?

Mag fi-five months na siyang nanliligaw. Feeling ko ang arte arte ko na. Hindi ko naman itatangi na kinikilig ako sa lahat ng ginagawa niya for me. Ang haba-haba lang ng buhok ko. Pero natatakot pa rin ako. This is too good to be true. At hindi ako yung tipong naniniwala sa fairy tale.

Katulad ng sinabi niya, Inantay niya akong lumabas sa building namin kinabukasan. At gaya kagabi, Hinatid niya ulit ako pauwi.

Don’t you need to be somewhere? Hindi ba ako nakaka abala sayo?

Nope. My work ends at 5pm. After that I’m free. I’m actually looking for something to do after work eh. at least ngaun I have something to add to my routine.

Huh? you mean, you plan to do this every day?

Yup! <wink>

Why?

Kasi nga I like you.

So ano to? Nililigawan moko?

If you want to call it that.

And what makes you think na pumapayag ako?

I didn’t.

huh?

Hindi ko hinihingi ang permiso mo. I’ll do what I want. You didn’t ask me to. I am not pressuring you to say anything. I’ll just do my thing. With or without your permission. Until you say you like me too. <wink>

Grabe. Parang sure na sure ka na I will say that. Ilan na ba ang napasagot mo sa stye mong yan huh?

Nope. Actually hindi ko nga alam ang ginagawa ko eh. I am just doing what I think is right. And to tell you honestly. Wala pa, ikaw pa lang. Yung mga past girlfriends ko kasi hindi ko niligawan. Bigla na lang naging kami.

Ang labo.

Yup. Kaya nga clueless ako sa ginagawa ko eh.

I doubt that.

Alam mo yan ang problema sayo. Pakiramdam mo lahat ng sabihin oh gawin ko eh bola.

Hindi naman. Nagtataka lang ako kung bakit ako?

Ako din eh, nagtataka. Sa totoo lang hindi ka naman ganun kaganda. Lagi ka pang seryoso. Hindi ka nga pala ngiti. Tapos you’re intimidating. Hay ewan ko ba.

Salamat huh! ayos ka rin manligaw eh noh. Nanlalait muna. Pero sa totoo lang mas natuwa ako sa sinabi niya. Mas naramdaman ko ng sincerity niya.

Eh panu na pag nagising ka at marealize mo na hindi mo pala talaga ako gusto?

Hindi naman ako natutulog eh. gising na gising ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ikaw pero alam ko kung anong nararamdaman ko. Yun sigurado ako.

Gabi na ng umuwi ako ngayon. Napasarap kasi ang kwentuhan namin. 7-8 ang slot ko at 10 na ng makalabas ako. Paglabas ko ng elevator, di sinasadyang may nakabanga ako.

Ay sorry naman.

Actually it’s my fault. Hindi ako nakatingin eh.

Teka kilala ko ang boses na yun ah.

Gabby.!

Prof.! Ganun pa rin ang itsura niya. By that I mean guwapo pa din.

Hey. Nice to literally bumped into you. So kamusta? Dito ka na nagttrabaho?

Ah. oo eh. Monster Radio.

Wait! Oh yeah! I should have known. Ikaw si DJ Gabby?!

ah.! <tango>

so your on you way home?

uhm uhm.

Alam mo ako din eh. Me naiwan lang ako sa taas. Me dala ka bang kotse?

huh?

sabi ko may dala ka bang kotse?

ah.wala

good. I’ll take you home. halika sama ka muna sa akin sa taas. mabilis lang to promise.

huh? ah eh. Too late. He pulled me inside the elevator and pushed the 4th floor button.

Naglalakad na kami papuntang parking lot.

So? how’d you get the job? magkwento ka naman.

huh?

Alam mo kanina pa ako salita ng salita dito. Wala kang ibang sinagot sa akin kundi “huh” at “oo” Okey ka lang ba?

oo. Hay ano ba yan. Ang totoo, Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magrereact. Hindi kasi maayos yung huli naming paguusap, Nahihiya ako na nag aalangan.

Alam mo hindi mo naman ako kelangan ihatid. Kaya ko naman magtaxi.

No. Hindi mo na ako prof ngayon kaya wala na akong rules na binbreak. <wink> Liban na lang kung me magagalit pag hinatid kita.<medyo nag trail ang boses nya>

huh?

oh ayan ka nanaman sa “huh” mo. May magagalit ba?

Ah, eh wala naman.

Good. Let’s go?

Hindi ko pa sinasabi sa kanya kung saan ako nakatira pero parang alam nya kung saan dadaan.

teka. Alam mo ba kung saan ako nakatira?

uhm. magagalit ka ba pag sinabi kong oo?

Ah hindi naman. Pero bakit alam mo? Hindi ko naman ata nasabi sayo yun?

Hindi nga. Pero Dahil estudyante kita dati at prof mo ako, may access ako sa records ng mga estudyante ko.

Eh bakit mo naman hahanapin ang address ko?

hhhmm.. Ayos you are now asking the right questions. Ibig bang sabihin hindi na masydong vague ang gestures ko?

Natahimik ako.

huy!

Ah eh.

Sayang wala nang fishballs ngayon. Magkape na lang muna tayo, nakakahiya naman sayo. Nalate ka na ng uwi dahil sa akin. Sana okey lang at hindi ka nanaman tumangi.

Hangang ngayon me hang up ka sa fishball na yan? haha

Frustrated talaga ako doon. Alam mo bang ikaw pa langang tumangi sa akin mag fishball?

At itinabi niya ang sasakyan sa may coffee shop ilang bahay mula sa amin.

So how’d you get the job again.

Eh di siympre nag apply ako.

ha ha ha! Alam mo hindi ka pa rin nagbabago.

Ay sorry. Okey fine. After kong grumaduate ng masteral. Nagresign ako sa dati kong work. Tas nagapply ako sa monster. Sakto me vacancy sila. Ayun. eh Ikaw. Anong ginagawa mo dun? Bakit umalis ka sa UP?

Ah. Part-timer lang naman ako dun eh. And my dad wants me to focus on our family business. Company namin ang nag occupy ng isa sa mga floors same building as yours. Isa pa. May insidente kasing hangang ngaun eh nagpapa guilty pa din sa akin eh.

Natahimik ako.

oh natahimik ka? Don’t worry wala kang kinalaman dun.

yun nga pala. Sorry dun huh. I was just upset. Alam ko sobrang mababaw. Pero feeling ko kasi I didn’t deserve the grade. Na nakuha ko lang yun kasi…

kasi gusto kita?

huh?

gusto kita. actually hangang ngaun gusto kita.

Ano?

Am I too fast? or do I still embarrass you?

Ahm alam mo late na. Baka gabihin ka. Thank you dito. Diyan na yung bahay ko. Maglalakad na lang ako.

No way.

Hindi sobrang lapit na lang. As in two houses away.

okey, let me walk you home then.

Habang naglalakad.

Sorry kung sobra straightforward ko huh. I just don’t see the point of hiding it. Hindi naman na tayo teenager eh.

ah okey lang. sige. dito na ako. Good night. Thanks for the ride and the coffee.

No prob. So bukas ulit?

huh?

Good night. Then he walks away.

Isang sem na lang at gagraduate na ako. Dalawang taon ko din pinagtiyagaan to huh.
Finally. Makakahanap na ako ng ibang trabaho. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko talagang magturo. Kaya lang pakiramdam ko hindi ako matatahimik hangat hindi ko sinusubukang tuparin ang pangarap ko na mag media.

At kagaya pa din na dati. Single pa rin ako. Meron dalawang nag attempt na manligaw, yung isa, high school classmate ko na hindi ako pinpansin dati. Tapos biglang isang araw eh mahal na niya ako. Ano yun? magic? Yung isa naman dati kong katrabaho. Okey sana, kaya lang lulubog lilitaw ang drama. May mood lang kung kelan niya ako mahal. Hay. Wala na ata talaga akong pag-asa magka boyfriend.

Unang araw ko ngayon sa bago kong trabaho. Nakuha akong DJ sa Monster Radio. Yes! Dream come true. Super excited ako. Panghapon ang slot ng program namin. Ayos lang para sa katulad kong walang experience at nagsisimula pa lang. Ang dami kong natutunan araw-araw.

DJ Gabby ang magiging pen name mo huh. Si Carlo. Siya ang head ng team namin. Siya din ang naguguide sa akin. Bakla siya okey.

Huh?! Ah eh sige.

Bakit ayaw mo ba?

Ah hindi ayos lang. Hindi ko lang maiwasang maalala si prof. Siya lang kasi ang tumatawag sa akin nun eh.

Wala na palang problema eh di okey na?

Yup.

Mabilis akong natututo. Hindi nagtagal at nagkaroon na ako ng primetime slot. Natuwa kasi sa akin ang team. Palagi ko kasing binibigay ang best ko dahil sobra akong nageenjoy sa trabaho ko.